There is no place for a backseat driver
We’ve all grown up listening to others tell us what to do. This would include our parents, grandparents, siblings, teachers, managers, and many more. We often appreciate what they have to tell us, although we may not have that feeling immediate. Other times we’re a little annoyed with what they have to say. The same can be true when we’re driving. How often have you experienced a backseat driver interfering with your driving?
To those who tend to backseat drive, they may feel they’re helping the driver, but the reality is they are hurting the driver more than they’re helping them. But let’s start with why someone would even want to be a backseat driver. Control comes to mind here. They may either feel the driver isn’t driving the way the passenger wants them to drive or the track record of driving safely is so poor the passenger feels the driver needs help.
Some backseat drivers may show this type of trait because they feel the driver is taking certain risks they should not take. Other backseat drivers may be nervous, which creates all that dialogue toward the driver. However, the practice of being a backseat driver can be dangerous, and instead of being helpful, could more likely lead to crashes.
To avoid having to struggle through the pain of having a backseat driver, set up ground rules – politely of course – so they know they are passengers and not “instructors”. Let them know you’re in charge of the decision-making and the operation of the vehicle. If they can’t handle that, perhaps they should find another way to get around.
One suggestion is to plan your route so you know exactly where you’re going. Part of the anxiety from driving which leads to poor driving choices is not knowing where you’re going. A backseat driver will be all over that! They feel giving you vague instructions will help. Wrong. It just adds to the anxiety. Planning the trip, even if it’s just a 30 minute trip, can help to keep them quiet and give you confidence.
Making early driving choices gives you time to make the better choices. If the backseat driver see’s this, they may have more confidence in you. One way to do this is to look well ahead of your current position. By looking 2 blocks ahead, you’ll have time to see, time to think and time to respond to what you see. Early driving decisions gives you confidence, despite what your passenger may say. And finally, believe in yourself. You’re the driver. You’re in charge.
So what if you’re the backseat driver? You’re really not helping. You may think you are, but you’re not. For the first 3 years as a judge on Canada’s Worst Driver on Discovery, I witnessed this first hand. The partner, friend, spouse or sibling sitting beside the driver often made things worse for the driver. Only when the driver decided to take control of their own driving, physically and mentally, did we see a positive change in their driving ability. There were even a few candidates on the show who had enough from their passenger to tell them to be quiet…in so many words.
If you’re a backseat driver, put the shoe on the other foot. What if you were making dinner and someone came in and started giving you instructions, criticizing what you’re doing and telling you what you should be doing. Wouldn’t you feel frustrated, annoyed and slightly angered? Now you know what your backseat driving is doing to the driver.
If you find yourself in the position of being the backseat driver, try to find something else to do. Read a book or a newspaper, look at your phone, look out the window at the scenery. There’s more to do than barking instructions at the driver. And chances are, your instructions may be making the driver distracted or nervous, which may lead to driving errors. If you’re quiet, you can give them time to think like a driver. And besides, if you really wanted to drive, you should have gotten into the driver’s seat instead of the passenger’s seat to begin with.
**Have a quick listen to this short episode of the “Speed Bumps” podcast as it discusses being a backseat driver further!
I must admit to being a backseat driver. It was easy with my wife because she’d see me checking her blind spot and sense that she needed to change lanes for some reason, so she would look ahead and finally see what I was seeing. With my son, I just say, “You need more space.” Immediate family can only be mad at you temporarily.
The real problem is with friends driving. I get squirmy when a friend is driving and following too close … and I have approximately ZERO friends who keep the same following and stopping distances that I do. They also trust other drivers to do the right thing far more than I ever would. For that reason, I take the actual back seat whenever I can (and try not to look.)
If I am in the front seat and see a problem developing that the driver doesn’t see, my method is to pretend I think they see it too:
“Jeez, I hate when people do that!”
“Do what?”
“That driver up ahead trying to get in. He’s gonna cut off the guy in front of us.”
“Oh, yeah … idiots.”
Even before I became a Driving Instructor, I confined my backseat driving comments to responding to requests from the driver. After becoming an Instructor, quite a few people who provided rides for me would acknowledge my qualifications, but ask me not to judge them too harshly. More often than not, I would have no cause to comment on their driving; in some cases, I was prepared to intervene if necessary.
Oi, Scott! I’m sure you wrote this for me to see!! 😄
Since moving home again 10 years ago, I notice myself being an anxious passenger, often falling back on my previous life as a Driving Instructor and “suggesting” things my parents could do better while driving. LOL
I’ve been on both ends – the giving and the receiving. One of my parents has ALWAYS been a backseat driver, still frustrating me to no end. This parent is not subtle in offering me corrections (even now), nor are they a very good driver (IMO) as they have tunnel vision while driving. Yikes.
Thanks for the reminder in this article!!